What did the conductor say to the violist? You are improving; now it only sounds like a sad cello.
The conductor asked for more passion, so the viola cried instead.
The violist came home to find his house burned down. The police said 'The conductor came to your house...' The violist's eyes lit up: 'The conductor? Came to MY house?'
The conductor's advice to the violist: 'Save the wood.' The violist asked: 'Which forest?'
Conductor: 'Where's your pencil?' Violist: 'Sorry, I ate it during the break.'
Why do orchestra conductors live so long? All that fresh air from the violas playing out of tune.
Conductor to violas: 'Play as if your lives depended on it!' The audience prayed they wouldn't.
The conductor asked the violas to blend. They responded: 'With what?'
Why do conductors prefer deaf violists? The music sounds the same, but they can't hear the complaints.
Conductor: 'Follow my baton!' Violist: 'Which one? There's so many.'
Conductor's favorite workout? Turning around to glare at the violas.
When the conductor asked for more from the violas, they gave him their notice.
