What did the conductor say to the viola section? 'You're all equally out of tune, which is progress!'
Why did the viola player get kicked out of the orchestra? They kept playing a different conductor's composition.
An American orchestra arrived in Europe for a tour. The conductor became ill and the last chair violist had to conduct. He got rave reviews and standing ovations at every concert. When the tour ended, his stand partner asked 'Where've you been for the last two weeks?'
