A 'cellist and three violists walked into a restaurant. The waiter asked the 'cellist what he'd like. After ordering steak, the waiter asked 'Vegetables?' The 'cellist pointed to the violists: 'Oh, they'll have what I'm having.'
What do a SCUD missile and a viola player have in common? They're both offensive and inaccurate.
What's another name for viola auditions? Scratch lottery.
A violist rubbed a lamp and a genie appeared. He wished to become a better musician. He woke up as principal violist of the Berlin Philharmonic. He wished again. He woke up in the last desk of the second violin section.
A musician found a genie. He wished for peace in the Middle East. The genie said that was too hard. Then he wished to hear the viola section play in tune. The genie said, 'Let me see those maps again.'
For sale: Viola, German, 19th century, excellent condition. Recently tuned.
Wanted: Established string quartet requires two violinists and a cellist.
Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering? If they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices they're missing.
What's the most popular recording of the William Walton viola concerto? Music Minus One.
If you're lost in the desert, what do you aim for? A good viola player, a bad viola player, or an oasis? The bad viola player. The other two are only figments of your imagination.
