How does a viola say hello? With a slightly out-of-tune hum.
How does a viola apologize? Softly, and still off-key.
What do viola players dream of? A world without tuning.
A viola's tuning session is a group therapy meeting in disguise.
Am I flat or is the world just sharp?
Every note I play is a cry for help in 440 Hz.
If tuning was an Olympic sport, I would still lose.
During tuning, the violas formed a support group.
The viola section once tuned perfectly; it was a solar eclipse day.
When a viola rebelled, it started playing in tune and scared everyone.
How do you know a violist is playing out of tune? The bow is moving.
How to prevent a violist from playing out of tune? Remove the strings.
Did you hear about the violist who played in tune? Neither did I.
What's the difference between a violin and a viola? You can tune the violin.
A violist complains to the director that one of his strings is out of tune. When told to just tune it, the violist replies 'But I don't know which string it is!'
How do you tune a viola? No one's ever bothered to find out.
What's the difference between a viola and a lawnmower? You can tune the lawnmower.
What's the difference between a chainsaw and a viola? The viola is always sharp.
Did you hear about the violist who played so out of tune even the rest of the viola section could tell? Just kidding. That could never happen.
What's the famous viola players' credo? 'It's far better to play a little sharp than to play out of tune.'
One day at a symphony rehearsal, there was a commotion in the back of the viola section. The conductor asked 'Hey, what's the problem back there?' Last chair violist: 'The trumpet player behind me bumped my peg box and knocked one string loose.' Conductor: 'Well, why don't you just tune it up again?' Violist: 'He won't tell me which one he hit.'
How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune? The bow is moving.
How do you know if a viola is out of tune? The strings are vibrating.
Did you hear about the violist who was in tune? Neither did anyone else.
The violas finally played in tune during rehearsal. The conductor fell off his podium in shock.
Why did the violist's phone die? It couldn't handle being flat all the time.
Q: Why do violists have longer fingers than violinists? A: So they can reach the peg box to retune (still badly).
Q: How can you tell if a viola is out of tune? A: Someone is playing it.
I told my viola a joke. It fell flat.
The viola tried to be sharp. It was too much of a stretch.
